What is your love language?
How do you express love? We all have distinctive ways of demonstrating affection. Dr. Gary Chapman stated that there are five different types of love languages — words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time and physical touch. Whether platonic or romantic, understanding how you and your partner give and receive love can profoundly deepen your connection and strengthen your relationship
Find your love language
1. Words of Affirmation
art by @dotdave
Words are the key to your heart. You feel deeply appreciated when hearing or reading positive affirmation. Considering your sensitivity to words, criticism may also seem more painful.
If you partner’s love language is words of affirmation:
Practice: Active listening, words of encouragement, appreciating effort and writing loving notes, texts and cards.
Avoid: non-constructive feedback, verbally dismissing and appreciating effort.
2. Acts of Service
Nothing says I love you like a clean kitchen. You feel deeply cared for when your partner helps you with tasks and eases your workload. Alternatively, broken promises can deeply let you down.
If you partner’s love language is acts of service:
Practice: Asking how you can help ease their workload, doing chores together, making meals for your partner
Avoid: Flaking on tasks or prioritizing the needs of others over your partner
A token of love, big or small, is the ultimate way for you to feel like your partner understands you. It’s the thought that counts, so a generic gift or a forgotten special occasion can make you feel forgotten or unappreciated.
If you partner’s love language is gifts:
Practice: thoughtful and intentional gift giving, prioritizing the celebration of special occasions
Avoid: generic gifts, forgetting important dates
4. Quality Time
art by @inoiseaguy
You are supremely nourished by undivided attention and focused conversation. If your partner is distracted, you may feel ignored and unimportant.
If you partner’s love language is quality time:
Practice: uninterrupted one-on-one conversation and intentional time together
Avoid: distractions when spending time together
5. Physical Touch
You feel safe and adored through kissing, holding hands, stroking and other forms of touch. When your partner withholds physical touch, you may feel neglected and disconnected.
If you partner’s love language is physical touch:
Practice: hugging, kissing, cuddling and prioritizing intimacy
Avoid: rejecting or withholding touch and going long periods without intimacy
Did you find your dominant expression of love? Does it differ from your partner’s or is it the same? Enjoy discussing your differences and begin to learn each other’s languages.