As a sex writer who speaks to sexologists on the daily and interviews strangers about their most intimate activities, there’s nothing I come across more than a lack of sexual confidence. From a reluctance to explore their own bodies to being too shy to shop for sex toys and too bashful to bring up what goes on in the bedroom, the number one issue I hear plenty of people are having is asking for what they really want. Because we may be in 2024, but sex still remains a taboo subject, full of unmentionables, hushed conversations and red-cheeked embarrassment. But what if I told you that speaking up would not only lead to the most encompassing and all consuming orgasms of your life, but it would transform your being as you claim your sexual power. So, how do you get there?
1. WANK IT OUT
The first step in finding your sexual confidence is working out what you love, and what you don’t, when you’re by yourself.
Try different methods of masturbation, test out a variety of sex toys, up your viewing pleasure with pornography, and delve into your deepest desires. Locate what works for you, because there is nothing more empowering than knowing exactly what gets you off.
2. TAP INTO SEXINESS
What makes you feel your best? Maybe it’s smashing a gym session, going for a run, hitting a dance class, popping out for your Hot Girl Walk, eating clean and healthy, shopping for new lace lingerie, or taking photos in the nude. Do this often. Make it part of your routine. Fall in love with what makes you shine. And you will thrive.
3. IMMERSE YOURSELF IN THE FLIRT
Whether it’s swiping on dating apps, striking up a conversation IRL, firing off a cheeky sext or dialling into phone sex, you’re going to want to stroke the fire of sexual confidence by chatting with others unapologetically. Then practice, practice, practice, letting the talk flow. Seeing where it leads is all part of the adventure. Enjoy the ride.
4. SPEAK YOUR MIND
No matter what size anyone is packing, the most important tool in the bedroom will always be your voice, And I don’t just mean for showcasing the throws of passion, but for effectively communicating with your partner. From what feels good to what doesn’t, from what you’d like them to do and what you’d like to do to them. Unless you’re both mind readers you can’t possibly know what the other is thinking. So find your voice and use it, and remember that there is truly nothing hotter than when someone speaks up about what they want.
5. OPEN YOURSELF TO NEW OPPORTUNITIES
Always fantasised about what it would be like at a strip club, sex show or swingers party? Boost your sexual self esteem by getting out of your comfort zone. That could be as small as setting up an anonymous profile on a hook-up app like Feeld to attending a newbies night at a sex club. By throwing yourself into unfamiliar and sexual situations within a like minded community, you’ll discover — and no doubt be tempted by — a whole new world of possibilities. And maybe just maybe, you'll be inspired.
Written By Ebony Leigh
