Diary

How do you express love? We all have distinctive ways of demonstrating affection. Dr. Gary Chapman stated that there are five different types of love languages — words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time and physical touch. Whether platonic or romantic, understanding how you and your partner give and receive love can profoundly deepen your connection and strengthen your relationship. 

FIND YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE  

1. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

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art by @dotdave


Words are the key to your heart. You feel deeply appreciated when hearing or reading positive affirmation. Considering your sensitivity to words, criticism may also seem more painful. If you partner’s love language is words of affirmation:

Practice: Active listening, words of encouragement, appreciating effort and writing loving notes, texts and cards. 

Avoid: non-constructive feedback, verbally dismissing and appreciating effort. 

2. ACTS OF SERVICE 

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Nothing says I love you like a clean kitchen. You feel deeply cared for when your partner helps you with tasks and eases your workload. Alternatively, broken promises can deeply let you down. If you partner’s love language is acts of service:

Practice: Asking how you can help ease their workload, doing chores together, making meals for your partner 

Avoid: Flaking on tasks or prioritising the needs of others over your partner

3. GIFTS


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A token of love, big or small, is the ultimate way for you to feel like your partner understands you. It’s the thought that counts, so a generic gift or a forgotten special occasion can make you feel forgotten or unappreciated. If you partner’s love language is gifts: 

Practice: thoughtful and intentional gift giving, prioritising the celebration of special occasions 
Avoid: generic gifts, forgetting important dates 

4. QUALITY TIME

art by @inoiseaguy


You are supremely nourished by undivided attention and focused conversation. If your partner is distracted, you may feel ignored and unimportant. If you partner’s love language is quality time: 

Practice: uninterrupted one-on-one conversation and intentional time together
Avoid: distractions when spending time together

5. PHYSICAL TOUCH

Wildlife gif. We see a monkey walk on it's knuckles and feet, and then another monkey comes into frame, and the two hug, wrapping their arms completely around each other.
You feel safe and adored through kissing, holding hands, stroking and other forms of touch. When your partner withholds physical touch, you may feel neglected and disconnected. If you partner’s love language is physical touch: 

Practice: hugging, kissing, cuddling and prioritising intimacy 
Avoid: rejecting or withholding touch and going long periods without intimacy 

Did you find your dominant expression of love? Does it differ from your partner’s or is it the same? Enjoy discussing your differences and begin to learn each other’s languages.